Having new one is to forget the pass. but, is that ok?

Well, i've got insomnia. I woke up at 2.30 in the morning and stay awake till now. so because of boredom. i just fesbukan and voilaaa! my friends told me that my ex boyfie will get a new cute girlfriend soon! zzzzzz

I shocked for a while. it was hurt (because we just broke up for 2 weeks- but my tears couldn't fall down for some reason. maybe i gave him up and let him go. or maybe i just tired being cried, cried, and cried because of him. but this is one of the consequences if you're still love your ex right?

Honestly, i'm not a girl whose always talk about boys or love stuff. i always ngecakin my friends if they cried because of their boyfriend. sounds cruel right? maybe because of that cruel, i've got karma. yes i thought my last relationship was a karma. but it was a sweet karma. the pain, jealousess, the passion. it's all mixed up. along that relationship, my thoughts always think about him. sounds gombal, but yeah that's true. and the most important thing : i aint cheated with other guy during that time.

i'm a very moody person. my relationship is always less or just a few months. and during that relatioship, usually i cheated with other guys. i always more enjoyful being hts-an than pacaran. some friends warned me to get off from my bad habit. but sadly, i was totally stubborned to pay attentioned. i was thinking that my boyfriend would be okay. that my boyfriend maybe did the same like i am. i didn't know how to loved someone. i just know how to have fun with guys and make them mine. Untill i met him . . .

one of my friend told me, that i fall in love with a wrong person. some friend warned me at the beginning i opened relationship with him. but hey, i'm a stubborned and senseless person right? so i don't care what people say and going on my own. with all of our similarities, and all of our passions. i thought i found the right guy. i thought it wouldn't be like my relationship before. i thought this relationship would be different. but times flies really fast like a night turns out to a morning. after 2 weeks together, i felt that he kind of boring with me. but surprisingly i ain't feel the same! i still liked him like i was before. like our first day relationship. it lost my confidence a lot, and i tried not to like him as big as i was. so i was searching for some guys and when i got it . . 

WTF!! i still liked him so bad !! i still thinking of him even i hung out with other guy !! it was not like i always did. this began insane. i weaseled with my bestfriend and then she laughed a lot. she laughed like it was the most jokes she've ever heard. 

She said "ahahahhahah jie yg lagi jatoh cinte. gimana rasanya? enak? " then i said "gigi lo enak. makan ati iya deh gueeee." >,<>

jeeezz . . i really couldn't thinks right that time. what i think is about how to loose this feeling, how not to liked him soo bad. coz cheating wasn't manjur for me, so i decided not to called nor texted him. i purposed to make a distance as long as i could. i pretended angry to saw his reaction. but he didn't care, even he didn't realize what i angry for! i searched for some reason to be angry. then, i found it.  it was sunday, and it was her ex hts-an birthday. it would be our date. but i couldn't go out, so we cancel it. during that day i just goof around at home. i was waiting for his sms but he didn't texted me. he didnt texted or called me that day. even once ! okay, maybe i was childish and lebay that time. but, if youre on a jealousy you coldn't think youre right or not. isn't it? plus if youre jealous with someone whose have something that you haven't and with all the problems before, it was like triple jackpot for me. bad jackpot. i angry to the max, but hurt to the max too. i didn't know what this feeling is. but i know, i should end this up if i didn't want to hurt again.

Like i always said. we similar in maaaaaany waaaaays. our stubborned, our careless, even our tactless is same too. the guy i've been searching all this time is finally found. but maybe god's tell the truth. we end up because 

he's not right for me like i ain't right for him

So i'm thinking that i must going on my own life like he does. this pain will leaved a scar. but this scar will heal with a medicine. and for me the medicine is my best friend, my family, and maybe someday i really find the real right man :-)