Move on

this is the best answer whose always people said to me. and this is the most hardest step to take. but i really have to get out of my lebay. because :

• i'm tired to chased you all the time
• tired crying because of you
• tired to stay connected-as close as i could- with you
• tired with this jealous feeling, when you menggatal with another girl
• tired thinking, why you dumped me like this
• you don't like me anymore
• masih banyak ikan di lautan 

I'm out. and i wish you have a good time with your "little sister", your close friends, your blablabla apapun itu embel-embelnya.

i deshi ty, por unë nuk kam si ju më. 

Sayonara, Mogot Haholongan Devroij

My birthday bash

Here Comes an upload for my 18th birthday surprise. thanks to you guys i LOVE IT :))

Dhika, me, Cyo, and the jilbabers LOL

HUGE Thanks

Dhika, Nia, Me, Tities, Cyo, Tacil, Ubay

Having new one is to forget the pass. but, is that ok?

Well, i've got insomnia. I woke up at 2.30 in the morning and stay awake till now. so because of boredom. i just fesbukan and voilaaa! my friends told me that my ex boyfie will get a new cute girlfriend soon! zzzzzz

I shocked for a while. it was hurt (because we just broke up for 2 weeks- but my tears couldn't fall down for some reason. maybe i gave him up and let him go. or maybe i just tired being cried, cried, and cried because of him. but this is one of the consequences if you're still love your ex right?

Honestly, i'm not a girl whose always talk about boys or love stuff. i always ngecakin my friends if they cried because of their boyfriend. sounds cruel right? maybe because of that cruel, i've got karma. yes i thought my last relationship was a karma. but it was a sweet karma. the pain, jealousess, the passion. it's all mixed up. along that relationship, my thoughts always think about him. sounds gombal, but yeah that's true. and the most important thing : i aint cheated with other guy during that time.

i'm a very moody person. my relationship is always less or just a few months. and during that relatioship, usually i cheated with other guys. i always more enjoyful being hts-an than pacaran. some friends warned me to get off from my bad habit. but sadly, i was totally stubborned to pay attentioned. i was thinking that my boyfriend would be okay. that my boyfriend maybe did the same like i am. i didn't know how to loved someone. i just know how to have fun with guys and make them mine. Untill i met him . . .

one of my friend told me, that i fall in love with a wrong person. some friend warned me at the beginning i opened relationship with him. but hey, i'm a stubborned and senseless person right? so i don't care what people say and going on my own. with all of our similarities, and all of our passions. i thought i found the right guy. i thought it wouldn't be like my relationship before. i thought this relationship would be different. but times flies really fast like a night turns out to a morning. after 2 weeks together, i felt that he kind of boring with me. but surprisingly i ain't feel the same! i still liked him like i was before. like our first day relationship. it lost my confidence a lot, and i tried not to like him as big as i was. so i was searching for some guys and when i got it . . 

WTF!! i still liked him so bad !! i still thinking of him even i hung out with other guy !! it was not like i always did. this began insane. i weaseled with my bestfriend and then she laughed a lot. she laughed like it was the most jokes she've ever heard. 

She said "ahahahhahah jie yg lagi jatoh cinte. gimana rasanya? enak? " then i said "gigi lo enak. makan ati iya deh gueeee." >,<>

jeeezz . . i really couldn't thinks right that time. what i think is about how to loose this feeling, how not to liked him soo bad. coz cheating wasn't manjur for me, so i decided not to called nor texted him. i purposed to make a distance as long as i could. i pretended angry to saw his reaction. but he didn't care, even he didn't realize what i angry for! i searched for some reason to be angry. then, i found it.  it was sunday, and it was her ex hts-an birthday. it would be our date. but i couldn't go out, so we cancel it. during that day i just goof around at home. i was waiting for his sms but he didn't texted me. he didnt texted or called me that day. even once ! okay, maybe i was childish and lebay that time. but, if youre on a jealousy you coldn't think youre right or not. isn't it? plus if youre jealous with someone whose have something that you haven't and with all the problems before, it was like triple jackpot for me. bad jackpot. i angry to the max, but hurt to the max too. i didn't know what this feeling is. but i know, i should end this up if i didn't want to hurt again.

Like i always said. we similar in maaaaaany waaaaays. our stubborned, our careless, even our tactless is same too. the guy i've been searching all this time is finally found. but maybe god's tell the truth. we end up because 

he's not right for me like i ain't right for him

So i'm thinking that i must going on my own life like he does. this pain will leaved a scar. but this scar will heal with a medicine. and for me the medicine is my best friend, my family, and maybe someday i really find the real right man :-)

searching for a pain killer

I try to speak, but my words never catch the air

Like you never knew I was there

Take me back to the days when you really cared

Can we make love re-appear?

I can't go on the roads too long

And now all is said and done

I can't go forward if my heart's still where i'm coming from

lemar-time to grow

i broke up and it's still hurt till now. our relationship was less than a month, but for me it's like a year  :'(  i cried a lot but it's okay now. i don't know how to say.maybe he kind of boring with me, or he didn't like me anymore. i just feelin that he was change since our 2 weeks relationship. i told you before, that is a lot of similarities between me and him and i guess because of that we better end up and started our new relationship as a friend :)

i learned a lot from him. and i hope he can learned from our relationship too. after triple times being relationship i guess this is the most painful. but i found it fun too :')  

for now, i tried so hard focused on studying and my last day being high school student. 

pray for me ya ;)

ps : Poy, if you read this i just want you to know that i still waiting for you for being opened with me like your promised. and i really wanted that day will come soon :)  

UAN,boyfie,blablablah

hello folllllllksss

it seems a million times ago since my last posting right? ahahhaha. i'm sorry, i've been busy with loads of attachment. UAN stuff, PTN stuff, and many moooooooooore stuff as a senior student.well,in a distance since my last post there were a lot of thing happened. some of them really makes me learned to fight more, pray more, and study more. ahahhahah :D

well, here is my experience during this time

• I ain't excepted in SIMAK UI.which is soooo sad to remember.i dont want to write more details-sorry because it's really makes me sad and disappointed and made me feel useless as a daughter and a student
• well,in a dark side it's always have a bright side behind.and for me the bright side is trough a boyfriend ;) yup, i have a new boyfriend. he's the one who i met in sidney's birthday party last time i told you hehehehe. this time i feel different compared my last relationship.i like him sooo much.and our habit is similar in many ways.maybe he's not good looking, or diligent like my type. but his gentleness really makes me melting.ahahhahahha.sounds cheesy but yeah i'm falling in love with him for sure ;D -i haven't take any photos of him maybe next time i will post it.
  
• now, i'm in the middle of final exam on high school. and i feel VERY NERVOUS for chemie,physic,and of course science mat (yeah,fortunately i'm a science student in my high school).i'm trying soo hard to concentrate to study. no chatting, no facebook, no blogging. but, sadly i can live without my laptop and connecting to internet hell shit! so many subjects of UAN really made me feels dizzy bzzzzz pray for me ya ;)

well, those are my latest live updates. how about you? i would love to know your activities too :))

a tears month

well hell-o everyone.i'm sorry for the very late update.i just quite busy with my final exam and every kind of test to the university like SIMAK UI,UTUL UGM,blablabla. i've became an unsocial people since february till now.i just attended sidney's birthday party in hilton and it's like a guilty pleasure for me because most of my friends has been studying.and times goes very fast then calendar show that day is the first day of march . which is SIMAK UI began.i've study damn hard till my ass off and i eat a lot becouse my nervous and guess what i've got?! i'm CRYING.yes, crying like a baby at the end off simak tes. i really CAN'T STOP MY TEARS FALLING DOWN because i didn't do my best at the test.i doubt to answered because i scared my scored will be minus and my brain is blank at the moment i saw the question so i couldn't answer the question either the easiest one.i really feel guilty with my parents because of it.i feel terrible as a daughter and a human.thousand time i regreted why i aint answered the question which was i could answered but because of nervous, so i didn't answered it :'( mom, dad if you are read this post you will know that your daughter really feel sorry for her lazyness,dumbness,and lamenesses. especially you dad, i feel sorry if couldn't made you proud. i swear i'll try soo hard to reach ptn so it makes your struggle will not end in smoke :')

after a long time break

hello folks!
i'm certainly know.it must be a loooong time ago since i wrote my last post right. hehehe
yeah, after that FKUI TRIP.my sense of writing in english just obtused. and i don't know why.
actually i've got lots of thing to write but i couldn't translated in english.so i just kept in my head.

• tomorrow will be my last day of an ILP's exam i'm a very AFRAID of it.don't know why.maybe because i was the donkest girl in a class.really i've get nerves on it.my skill of vocab is WORST so do my tenses. i really not smart on those two fatal things.i don't know. even i've been practiced english since i was in elementary.still, i can't use in properly. fiiiuuuuuh.it's a bit frustating remembered how i really overwhelmed with that stupid exam last friday.i wish i will be successful with my exam tomorrow.pray for me ya ;-)
  
• last satnight i hung out with some friends to ka pita's wedding party-fyi, ka pita is nia's sister and nia is my bf in high school :) i went there with shasa and thika by thika's car.we goof around there and of course takes some silly picture.hahaha.it will release soon !
• my weight is increase 3 kg.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz it was getting frustated at the beginning but i'd try not to lebay and do some exercise to control it. you know, i hadn't been get ANY exersice since lebaran wich is 2 or 3 months ago :'(